The Beginning

Yellow Butterfly

2011-08-04T05:10:00.000-07:00

2011-07-19T02:03:00.000-07:00

Just One Of Those Things

2011-07-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Wish I could tell you
How much I need you
And how much you need me to go

Please don't listen
To what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know that
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle you know
I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

I know I made it seem
Like all was written down
And I hid all my pain
And now I bring it out

And you'll be scared at first
Cause it's such an ugly blow
I don't know which is worse
To learn or not to know

Please don't listen
To what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know that
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle you know

I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

- Meg and Dia Frampton

How To

2011-06-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

i was unprepared for life and it hit me like a train

but the scary part isn't the bumps and bruises anymore

i can handle anything that hurts, i'm okay with pain

the scary thing is smiling when you get up off the floor

because i know how to cry and how to survive

but when it comes to dancing i'm a little shaky

i know how to handle heartbreak and deal with lies

but this whole love thing i'm not used to baby

i've been down for so long it's just what i'm used to

thunder rolls, lightening strikes, and rain falls from my eyes

but you got me looking at the sky and smiling cause it's blue

but then i don't know what to do because you caught me by surprise

because i know how to cry and how to survive

but when it comes to dancing i'm a little shaky

i know how to handle heartbreak and deal with lies

but this whole love thing i'm not used to baby

i'm usually so prepared

i can deal with life so easily

but when it comes to showing that i care

i'm as awkward as i'll ever be

because i know how to cry and how to survive

but when it comes to dancing i'm a little shaky

i know how to handle heartbreak and deal with lies

but this whole love thing i'm not used to baby

Untitled

2010-12-12T14:57:00.000-08:00

To say

To say is to feel and to feel is to break

I broke.

He's reaching for my throat

He's reaching for my hand

To write

To write is to feel and to feel is to break

Well I'm done with breaking, I'm moving on.

You're reaching for my throat

To do is to die and I need to breathe

You're reaching for my hand

To do is to lie and I need to be free

To leave

To leave is to hurt and to hurt is just greed

I left.

She's reaching for my throat

She's reaching for my hand

To stay

To stay is to hurt and to hurt is just greed

Well I'm done with hurting, I'm moving on.

You're reaching for my throat

To do is to die and I need to breathe

You're reaching for my hand

To do is to lie and I need to be free

To fight

To fight is to try and to try is to kill

I killed.

I'm reaching for my throat

I'm reaching for my hand

To give

To give is to try and to try is to kill

Well I'm done with killing, I'm moving on.

Mistake

2010-09-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

she took his hand

doesn't realize it's just part of his plan

he says trust me

and she believed, oh believed, she believed

her mistake

she just couldn't see

how disgusting humanity can be

and now she's empty, empty, empty

it was her mistake

and now she'll never be free

all she can feel is his hands on her body

and he takes, and he takes, and he takes

her mistake

she let him in

now there's bruises on her porcelain skin

but he says love me

and she's happy as can be, as can be, as can be

her mistake

she just couldn't see

how disgusting humanity can be

and now she's empty, empty, empty

it was her mistake

and now she'll never be free

all she can feel is his hands on her body

and he takes, and he takes, and he takes

her mistake

he threw her aside

she sits back and counts the lies

he says sorry

but now she sees, oh she sees, she sees

her mistake

but she just couldn't leave

oh how disgusting humanity can be

and now she's empty, empty, empty

it was her mistake

and now she'll never be free

she still can feel is his hands on her body

and she breaks, and she breaks, and she breaks

her mistake

Satin and Lace

2010-09-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

i was looking forward to a new year

new start, new life and no fear

but it didn't work out quite like i wanted my dear

i keep trying, keep prying your hands from my waist

but your grip is too strong, as i look at your face

remember when the only thing between us was satin and lace

but back to reality, in all actuality

you're gone, you've moved on

to your latest victim

and i guess i'm just gunna coast along

what else can you do when it all goes wrong?

each day dawns with shadows on my face

so it seems i gotta find sunshine some way

but pretty new things like that satin and lace

aren't always promises of happier days

and with that, i'm sinking fast

one thought of you and i feel myself crash

back to reality, in all actuality

you're gone, you've moved on

to your latest victim

and i guess i'm just gunna coast along

what else can you do when it all goes wrong?

and guess who's still sitting here thinking of you

do you ever even think about what you do

what you did, what you're doing to someone right now

and i know in my heart she's falling apart

like the million others you've conquered somehow

but back to reality, in all actuality

you're gone, you've moved on

to your latest victim

so i guess i'm just gunna coast along

what else can you do when it all goes wrong?

flashback.

2010-09-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

everybody's walkin round holding hands

he stares down at mine, clutching my sides

holding me back, back from love, back from pain

back from falling and crashing once again

the room spins, when i see you

but it's not the love song you're used to

silence decends, it's harder to breathe

i do my best to act calmly

i'm lost in the jungle of my head

and it's him i'm thinking of instead

if i had one wish, would it be for one more kiss

or just not to wince when i think of this?

you give me one more chance, but i have to pull away

while i struggle with this heart attack that's here to stay

i'm fighting this battle all the time

i'm a lost cause, and this problem is all mine

so i, oh, i'm so sorry

but this is no love story

everybody's tryin out romance

but i can't get my barren heart to dance

feel your arms through the pain, feel the drops in the rain,

take a chance to start all over again

there you are, and i feel that tug

but it's not the one you're thinking of

i'm sinking again, and i cant breathe

i'm drowning in my memory

i'm lost in the jungle of my head

and it's him i'm thinking of instead

if i had one wish, would it be for one more kiss

or just not to wince when i think of this?

you give me one more chance, but i have to push you away

while i struggle with this heart attack that's here to stay

i'm fighting this battle all the time

i'm a lost cause, and this problem is all mine

so i, oh, i'm so sorry

but this is no love story

yeah, i'm so, oh sorry

but this is no love story

ghosts

2010-08-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

footsteps echo through the empty halls

at least they would if the house wasn't so small

we walk around like friendly ghosts

at least until we come to blows

fake smiles and phony photographs

do absolutely nothing for me

so quit it with your fake laughs

i'm done with being your zombie

don't get so close, i think you know

that you don't want to be a parent now

you never tried, you only lied

it's kinda late to learn that now

keep telling me you've changed

you're done with playing games

like i've never heard that one before

i just don't need what you have in store

don't get so near, i think it's clear

that you're headed to a danger zone

don't hug me close, see how i froze

i'm just so used to being alone

i can't train myself to care

after the struggle of trying not to

when my whole life you weren't there

you can't teach yourself not to be you

so we walk around this house like ghosts

at least until we come to blows

footsteps echo in hypothetical halls

but no one's really there at all

Scars

2010-08-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

black, blue, and purple baby

you can paint those nails up

but what about the rest of your hands?

red is not your color

but you might as well get used to it

cause you won't be scrubbing that away

anytime soon

looking in the mirror

falling through the cracks

there's no wonder left in wonderland

and i can't seem to get back

looking in the mirror

and wincing at the sight

you can close your eyes but it won't disappear

wish with all of your might

ghosts drift through your periferal

memories locked in a box

spinning like a merry go round

where the hell do i get off?

pretty pictures in colored books

only show the surface

it takes a pick axe and a giant shovel

to unscramble this worthless picasso

if it doesn't disturb you, it isn't art

so smash me to bits and glue together the parts

breaking the damn mirror to shards

staring you down is what's left of your heart

and you can't get away, run as you might

this is what's left of me tonight

looking in the mirror

falling through the cracks

there's no wonder left in wonderland

and i can't seem to get back

looking in the mirror

and wincing at the sight of him

you can close your eyes but it won't disappear

no it won't disappear

before it's time to fight again

One Of Us Has Got To Go

2010-07-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

one of us has got to go, cause i can't go forever

what if bad is good, and good is only good for nothing anyways?

one of us has got to go cause i can't stay away

give me a gun because i'm done with being clever

i clench my teeth so they don't call your name

my hands, they grasp for your skin

i know all you'll ever bring me is pain

but it hurts when i'm with or without him

one of us has got to go, cause the world is oh so wrong

what if every single word has been a lie?

one of us has got to go because with every tear i cry

i don't know how much i can stand to clutch at strong

i clench my teeth so they don't call your name

my hands, they grasp for your skin

i know all you'll ever bring me is pain

but it hurts when i'm with or without him

i'd give my sanity to survive, and that's exactly the price
I know one more touch would kill me, but one more would never suffice

i grind my teeth, or they'll scream out in pain

my hands, they're itching for your skin

i know nothing good ever comes from your name

but it hurts when i'm with or without him

Random Free Verse

2010-07-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

There's never any words to write anymore.
Every scrap of my soul flutters out the door,
As the layers of my skin sink to the floor;
I'm naked, I'm sinking, have I been here before?
I'm searching, but I can't seem to find my core.

Believe me, I'm thinking of you my dear;
Even though I don't say so, I still hold you near.
I don't know if this feeling can still be called fear;
I don't know why I hide, I don't know why I tear.
I don't even know why I can't seem to hear.

I go through the motions with my eyes closed tight.
You can't know me, don't you dare ask me to fight.
Even I don't understand my plight.
Believe me, I try with all my might,
But all I've ever really wanted to do is take flight.

I think about going, I think about the world,
I think about the way everything has unfurled.
I think about what I've done and what I've hurdled,
As I think the world spins and deeper I'm twirled.
Maybe it's best to stay permanently whirled?

See what you wish to see, as I hibernate.
Things will be as they'll be; is this fate?
In the long run it doesn't matter what you equate;
Humans will continue to hate, mate and create
As the world around them seems to deflate.

I honestly don't know the point of my rambles
I guess I just felt that seeing how life is in shambles
And I can't say anything without it being a gamble
I might as well post something I fully wrote, instead of just preamble
To the things I post when I want to speak, but my brain scrambles.

Where I Lay

2010-06-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tell me if you've ever felt a tear in your eye

Tell me if you ever were determined not to cry

Tell me if you ever let go, cause after blow after blow

He finally ripped out your heart and soul

Tell me if you thought you were strong

Tell me if you were ever proved wrong

Tell me if it'd be a lie

If you ever said, no, I don't want to die

Because I think, think I'm losing my mind

And I think after all this time

I think, I think I'm done with the fall

Please let me be at the end of the hole

Tell me if you've pounded your fists

Tell me if that ever brought you justice

Tell me if you want to scream with all your might

But you can't let no one hear you break down at night

Because I think, think I'm falling apart

Can't even feel the beat of my heart

And I think, oh please be done with the struggle

Just let me lie here and crumble

Burning Down

2010-04-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

Embers in my skull

Boiling in my chest

Body ready to explode

Skin crawling where you kissed

Venom seeps from lips so red

You couldn't help but touch

Visions dance inside my head

I've never loathed so much

Tearing of my fragile skin

Cracking of my bone

The real pain doesn't begin

Til you get to the soul

You shattered me to a million parts

I'd like to do the same

But obviously you have no heart

That's why the world's aflame

A Different Point Of View - poem

2010-04-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone blames the harlot

For dipping them in a red pool of sin

No one seems to give a thought

To the mess that they've put her in

Twist her face into beauty

Twist it into a devil

Now imagine that this rock is weak

Imagine her as a little girl

Lost down the rabbit hole

Drowning in the riptides of the world

The spider web that was her soul

Slowly, painfully, plucked and unfurled

Every ounce of pleasure you take

Leaves a small tear

Some are bigger, those are the mistakes

The reason why she lives in fear

Everyone looks down on her lot

They could never understand

No matter how hard she fought

This is just where she lands

Lower than the gutter

Though she holds her head high

Every experience cuts her

Every night she cries

She doesn't want to be this way

She can't trust enough to improve

She watches as her life flutters away

And negative voices ring true

The pieces left throb and stab

She lives with this every day

Once you enter this world, there's no going back

So tell me, who's really to blame?

Beyond Repair

2010-03-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

I hate this song. It's horrible, and would have been deleted a long time ago, along with the many others i've written, if not for the comments people have written about it.

I never knew what I wanted, okay?

All I know is day after horrible day

I'd close my eyes and wipe the tears away

Maybe I didn't believe in you, but I'd pray

I never believed things could ever get worse

Just surviving til the day I end up in a hearse

Almost believed I could break out of this curse

But oh, was I ever wrong

17 years never felt so long

Everybody tells you life is unfair

It's really like living in a never ending nightmare

There's no right answer and every path trips

Every waking moment just tears my heart to bits

And I'm so sorry, you could never know

I was just trying to get by, didn't mean to hurt you so

We both know things will never be the same

When it comes to life, I'm tired of this game

I gotta go, escape before I go insane

But oh, I can't run that fast

Can't seem to forget my past

Everybody tells you life is unfair

It's really like living in a never ending nightmare

There's no right answer and every path trips

Every waking moment just tears my heart to bits

And I'm so sorry, you could never know

I was just trying to get by, didn't mean to hurt you so

And I know things are broken beyond repair

Guess I just wanted you to know I care

Oh, if you're there

The last thing I wanted was to make you cry

Their Words

2009-10-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you.

I never meant to make you cry.

There are many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how.

I can tell how much you hate this.

Deep down inside, you know it's killing me.

I can call, wish you well, and try to change this,

But nothing I can say would change anything.

I play my part and you play your game,

Teach me a lesson, maybe I deserve to know.

I think my bones are breaking under black eyes,

And book cases to the sky.

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.

I'm alive, but I'm losing all my drive.

I guess I let you get the best of me,

Cut me down to size, and paralyze me

With the contents of your pretty little head.

We were always meant to say goodbye.

I'm trying my best to let go of you, but I don't want to.

I never wanted this, never wanted to see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

But people are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out.

It's not much, but I know that we've both changed.

My bones have shattered, my pride is shattered.

But in the midst of this self inflicted pain,

I can see my beautiful rescue.

I wish I could save you.

Hear my words that I might teach you,

Take my arms that I might reach you.

But my words like silent raindrops fell,

And echoed in the wells of silence.

It's a shame that it had to be this way.

It's not enough to say we're sorry.

I don't think you're gonna change.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

You might just as well be blind.

Hope you can deal with all you will never know about me,

What I see, what I believe in, how I breathe, when I weep.

And how I'm better off without you, more than you know.

Songs used:

Cleaning Out My Closet - Eminem

Wonderwall - Oasis

Save You - Kelly Clarkson

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

Words - Darren Hayes

Bad Habit - Gregory and the Hawk

My Immortal - Evanescence

Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade

Over You - Daughtry

Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson

Just So You Know - Jesse McCartney

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Bend or Break - Secret Secret Dino Club

Beautiful Rescue - This Providence

The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel

Honesty - Billy Joel

All You Will Never Know - Avril Lavigne

These Walls

2009-10-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Laughter and tears take us closer I fear

I can't let this happen once again

See that look in your eyes whenever I'm near

Scares me because I don't want to lose my friend

I have this bad habit of getting too close

It always has to fall apart in the end

By the third time you touched me my heart just froze

Proving me right seems to be the latest trend

I put these walls up for a reason you know

I don't appreciate you just walking in and tearing them down

I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to let you go

Please don't make me say goodbye now

Why do they always have to mess with me

Is it so much to ask for just a friend

You think you're so different but you just can't see

The last thing I need is to be kissed again

I put these walls up for a reason you know

I don't appreciate you just walking in and tearing them down

I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to let you go

So please don't make me say goodbye now

Oh please don't make me

Please don't make me say goodbye now

If Miracles Can Happen

2009-07-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

if miracles can happen, i got a little suggestion
though she may fuss and storm and put up a bit of a fight
becayse if miracles can happen people like her deserve it
no matter how much pain she' spread, she's still worth it, right?
if miracles can happen, please let them happen tonight

if miracles can happen, i sure think he could use one
a less willing candidate you couldnt find
but i know if he could see your light it would help a ton
because i think there may be a good guy deep inside
oh if miracles can happen, please let them happen tonight

if miracles can happen, please bless the poor ones
the ones who just can't see through their fright
if miracles can happen, please dig down deep
because the earth is full of hurting souls tonight

if miracles can happen, i know someone who needs it
though she tries and tries her world just falls apart
because if miracles can happen, maybe you can help her
piece back the puzzle of her heart

if miracles can happen, please bless the poor ones
the ones who just can't see through their fright
if miracles can happen, please dig down deep
because the earth is full of hurting souls tonight

yes if miracles can happen, please let them happen soon
for those blinded souls that wonder the earth tonight

illusion

2009-06-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

no more
sunbeams dancing with laughter
sticky hands and new adventures
no more
mornings running away with the echo of tiny feet
a new year for the first time
no more
bundling up coats and gifts
the worst time of year
no more
picking flowers for little noses
games, problems, stories, hugs
never again
anything at all
good or bad
memories both nourish and devour
after mount everest nothing seems hard
or worthwhile
missing
days climb up to the end in the clouds
i was never good at chutes and latters
missing
past, present, future
beginnings, middles, ends
time itself dissolves into nothingness
missing
them
missing
life
missing
everything

I Love You So

2009-06-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

i wanted to write you a love song
but i didnt know what to say
everything i think of's been taken
need to find an original way

i could write a song about your eyes baby
i could write a song about your smile
i could write a song bout what you do to me
but you already know you drive me wild
once upon a time i was your princess
but you've already heard that tale before
so i'm just gunna tell you what you already know
baby... i love you so

i bring out a paper and a pen
wait for my heart to open up it's doors
but looks like i got writers block once again
an ocean to swim in
but i'm stuck on the shore

i could write a song about your eyes baby
i could write a song about your smile
i could write a song bout what you do to me
but you already know you drive me wild
once upon a time i was your princess
but you've already heard that tale before
so i'm just gunna tell you what you already know
baby... i love you so

a hundred poets have tried to find the words
a thousand people have felt it
no one seems to be able to get it right
only three little words seem to fit

i could write a song about your eyes baby
i could write a song about your smile
i could write a song bout what you do to me
but you already know you drive me wild
once upon a time i was your princess
but you've already heard that tale before
so i'm just gunna tell you what you already know
baby... i love you so

I Fight Life

2009-06-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

you dont know love and you dont know me
or else how could you leave me here to bleed
put on my headphones to drown it all out
all of the shit coming out of your mouth
and im not going to cry...

you don't know hurt and you don't know pain
or else how could you do this to me again
run as fast as i can to get away
from day after horrible day

and i'm not going to cry...
try as i, try as i, try as i might
kick me when im down
when life crumbles to the ground
struggle to stay out of the depths of despair
but i've been there
so i'm not going to cry
try as i, try as i, try as i might
i fight life

you may know spite and you may know anger
but friends like these won't get you anywhere
keep treating people like this and karma will bite you back
when push comes to shove you dont know who keeps track
you may know how to fight and how to get by
but who's going to miss that when you up and die
keep lying and breaking and soon you'll see
you drove away the ones that love you, like me

and i'm not going to cry...
try as i, try as i, try as i might
kick me when im downwhen life crumbles to the ground
struggle to stay out of the depths of despair
but i've been there
so i'm not going to cry
try as i, try as i, try as i might
i fight life

Daydream My Life Away

2009-06-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

once upon a fairytale i sat up in my grand castle
where magic bloomed and imagination ran free
now i dig my brain for words, don't understand the hassle
no more pictures in my brain, nothing new appears to me
i sit and wonder, where's my happily ever after

because once upon a few years ago, i could just let go
and the world would fall away, i'm in my special place
where masterpieces drifted, sadness and black was lifted
get lost for hours and i don't want to find my way
day dream my life away

i cant see the future and the past is kinda gone
but put me in today and i got no clue whats going on
so find me in my own world, where i used to have a clue
but then reality interfered, and everything faded blue
now let me get back, lose myself again
let me seep into the world of paper and pen

because once upon a few years ago i could just let go
and the world would fall away, im in my special place
where masterpieces drifted, sadness and black was lifted
get lost for hours and i dont want to find my way
day dream my life away

once upon a time is every girl's favorite line
cause it means a happy ending's on the way
and eventually there will be light
but slip into reality and dreariness is all you'll see
imaginations starts to slip away
and theres no ending at all in sight

but once upon a few years ago i could just let go
and the world would fall away, im in my special place
where masterpieces drifted, sadness and black was lifted
get lost for hours and i dont want to find my way
day dream my life away

ooh once upon a few years ago i could just let go
and the world would fall away, im in my special place
where masterpieces drifted, sadness and black was lifted
get lost for hours and i dont want to find my way
day dream my life away

At Night

2009-06-23T23:46:00.000-07:00

During the day
People surround me
My mind’s taken away
From all of the things that i dont like to see
During the day
I try to hide
The real me inside
The me using all her strength not to cry
During the day

But when no one can see me
At night
I’m totally swept away
And i sob as i pray
Because emotions run fast
And i’m stuck in the past
At night
Now i’ve gotta wipe the tears away
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day

During the day
I’m good at pretending
Practised at defending
During the day
Its like hide and seek
But you’ll never find me
Never get a peek
Not during the day

But when no one can see me
At night
I’m totally swept away
And i sob as i pray
Because emotions run fast
And im stuck in the past
At night
Now i’ve gotta wipe the tears away
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day

During the day i jump but at night i crash
My hearts been broken so much is there anything left
And i wish and i wish and i dream and i dream
I still hope and thats why it seems
To hurt so much
When it all comes raining down on me

When no one can see me
At night
I’m totally swept away
Emotions run fast
I’m stuck in the past
At night
Then i’ve gotta wipe the tears away
Maybe tomorrow’ll be a better day